I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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