is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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