I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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