I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am available for nakedness
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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