So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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