Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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