You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
