he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
