you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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