i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
