So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
