Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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