Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Pants are for mortals
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
