Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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