Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
