if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
