ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
