No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
