I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
