Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize