There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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