Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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