just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize