i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
