my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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