I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
