But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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