The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
