She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
