hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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