It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize