we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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