He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
