wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
