I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
