Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
