what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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