Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
