Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
