I wannas sexs uuuuu
look no pants
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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