If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
