So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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