Can i not drive my cunt home
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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