he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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