I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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