I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
