I hate all girls vehemently.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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