I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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