if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
