on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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