Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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