So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oh god it's open bar.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
