Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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