Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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