i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize