I wish I could teleport
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
