my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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