the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
