my phone needs a breathalizer
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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