How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Your cock deserves a montage
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize