Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my being single is dangerous.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
