thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
