Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no, he came in my armpit
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
