Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize