shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
