if i died would you start the facebook group?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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