So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
