Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
