I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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