Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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