It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
this is an emotional support booty call
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