I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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