I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
