he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
