i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
