Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
