Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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