I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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