Dual....:-)
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
