I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
