I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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