my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
