Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize