Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
