I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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