don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize