I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
