i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
