Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
