I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
