like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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