Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
