So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
farters have to be the big spoon...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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