that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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