so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
