We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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