Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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