But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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