butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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