I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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