You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
