Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize