She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
