do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We left the knife in your bed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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