Need sex. Gaining weight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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