We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
