hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
